A thing or two about love (part-1)

I have never actually been in a serious relationship. 

Non-serious relationships? Yeah, here and there, maybe. So ok, i ain’ t the best person to look for when you want relationship advices (but i am the person to look for if you wan a relationship 😉), but i would just like to share somethings pertaining to love, crushes and infatuations. Really, take all these with a pinch of salt and have an enjoyable read.

All you lovely readers, you probably know what the heck is the difference between crushes, infatuation and love. However, for all you readers that either dunno or just too lazy to ask Google, here’s the summary: 

Crushes: You like the person, adore them. End of story.

Infatuation: You really really really really really really really like (thanks Carly) the person that you actually believe you love him/her.

Love: Now, thats some complicated thing right here, many people have their own definitions, so do I. Sooooo…

 I am sorry but I can’t really summarise this, but don’t worry, we will get to it later. ( stop whining, read on) 

Lets talk about crushes first (no particular order, i just like to start with this). You and I had it, have it, will have it. Its what attracts us to other people and what makes us attractive to other people. We have crushes all the time, be it on random hot people we met on the streets, our hot neighbours, hot classmates, hot colleagues, hot cousin and Stacy’s hot mum. 

Now, one thing about crushes is that you will more often than not get over it pretty quickly. It is just that hot warm fuzzy feeling when you drink a really good coffee, and the next day it will be gone, turned into a pile of yellow or white liquid coming out of your bowels. Crushes start quick and end quick, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important or impactful. 

I want to bring your attentiom to your ever first crush. Think about it, ponder on it. Theres that warm fuzzy feeling somewhere right (please say yes)? For me, it was in Primary school (elementary school to you all, Americans). A little bit backstory: I wasn’t a very hardworking guy back in those days. I was though, one of them “playground bullies” (dun judge). So i wasn’t particularly well liked by other classmates nor the teachers, who constantly had to call up my parents.

It was in a math class, I believe, on a warm autumn afternoon. She was sitting beside me. I wasn’t much of a math brainer then and was having a realy hard time figuring out whats 1+1 (yeah, take it as a joke). The teacher set her, who’s apparently a real power at math, beside me in order for her to transfer some of that power to me. She was teaching me then. And while i was thinking real hard on whats 1+1, i remembered her saying 

“Go on, it isn’t that hard” with that, she smiled and proceeded to rest her head with all that jet black flowing hair on my right arm, which in turn was resting on the table. I looked at her through the radiant autumn sun raining down on the classroom. 

“Holy crap,” i thought to myself, looking at her, “1+1=2!”

Alright, jokes aside, i quickly found out that from that point on i actually started liking her, alot. Besides spending time teaching me maths and awhole lot of othee subjects, she was a friend that didn’t care about me as a troublemaker or a bully. She cared about me as a person, for who I am. As time goes on, my family moved and we said our goodbyes. At that time there weren’t such a thing called Facebook or Twitter and none of us knew how to use MSN, so this little relationship was lost.

Yes, saddness is to be felt. However, the memory lingers on. I still remember that warm autumn day and the moment she came into my heart as clear as yesterday. No, i did not confess my feelings, probably because i did not know even know what is confession (i was 7, please). 

After that, i had crushes pretty frequently, they come and go. However, its my first ever crush that hit the hardest and had the most impact. 

It wasn’t a real relationship, it was childish, it was probably one-sided, it was at a time we don’t know nothing about love, but somehow, it was wonderful and it felt so real.

So why?

These are my own opinions. 

Children are pure. 

What they feel are also pure.

Pure in the sense that it is a raw feeling untainted, not covered by any contextual knowledge or outside influence. 

Confused? Let me explain. As you grow older, your experience with the environment, with people, increases and you are more likely to base your judgements on many factors, and these factors come from your experiences. 

E.g. you don’t like long haired girls because you were dumped by a long haired girl. 

Too crude? Heres another.

E.g. you grew up in a suburban middle class and was influenced by society that the rich are unattainable due to the difference between their statuses and yours. Face it, you won’t be marrying Chris Hemsworth or Ariana Grande anytime soon, so you give up pursuing them.

Thats where judgements come from. When people say don’t be judgemental, i personally find it impossible to do, thanks to the culture and social norms and codes (even though they are not spelt out) we intrinsically follow.

Now, children are different. They have yet to experience all these crap that we as grown adults have. To them, everything is simplified.

And on that warm autumn day, i just knew that I fell for this girl. Thats why the feeling is so power and memorable. It is exactly what it is, affection, adoration and maybe a tiny bit of love. Yes it is childish, yes it is immature, but that is what makes it so unique. I liked her for who she was, dunno about her but i would like to think that she accepted me as who i was. So what if i was a bully and a troublemaker?  I was a student in need of tuition for 1+1. And so what if shes the brightest girl in class? She was willing to help me and rest her head on my right arm. 

Not only me, but for most people, their first crushes are memorable and impactful. Those memories are more often then not hidden in our deepest closets because we treasure them the most. Take them out sometimes and reminisce, bath in that warm autumn sunlight and that warm fuzzy feelings. Feels good right?

Cheers

The Ram